BROTHERS

POPPING IN

It was a treat to visit you today.  Your brother has only been to see you once before, but I didn't take him out of the car.  This time I did and he seemed to love being near you, he was all smiles.  I love that your grave is such a happy and cheery place.  I'm grateful that your Mimi and Grampy care enough to take such great care of it.  How lucky are we?  

 After coming home from visiting you GUESS what I saw?  Your lilies have opened and they are SO beautiful.  Just like you.  I look forward to this day every July.  I love how they make me smile from ear to ear.  I love smelling them as I walk by.  I'm grateful for the them because they remind me of YOU!

UNKNOWN VISITOR

I'm grateful for a mother who takes such good care of Ben's little home.  I'm grateful for my dad who was so thoughtful in searching for the perfect friend to watch over him.  Today my mother was down visiting Ben in the rain...planting beautiful flowers to make his site cheery.  As she was planting in the rain, a cute little old irish man (as he was walking by) told my mother that he says hello to Benjamin everyday on his walk.  What a sweet gesture.  Even though this man is a stranger to me, it made my heart smile knowing that he cares enough to say hello...to my son.

2 YEARS

 I meant to post last Tuesday on Ben's anniversary but I was busy picking up our newest (almost) addition to our family who came and stayed for the week.  It was a great distraction from an otherwise sad reminder.

I thought a lot about that weekend 2 years ago...thinking about the last few days that I had with him.  One of the memories that sticks out most happened the Sunday before he passed away.  I was talking with my good friend Becky B. who was like Ben's second mother.  She ALWAYS took him for Memorial Weekend so that I could take my kids camping - it was tradition.  So...that year (the week before) we were talking about it at church.  It was then that I had a strong feeling that I should stay with Ben.  I didn't know why and I felt badly because when I told Becky B. that I wanted to keep him that weekend I could tell she was sad.  And at the same time I was feeling guilty because I know my children would be sad not to go camping.  But I followed the feeling that I had and I made plans to spend the weekend with my sister instead.  

How grateful I am for the tender mercy that Heavenly Father showed me by prompting me to stay with Ben.  I can't even imagine how I would have felt had I not been present.  

How grateful I am for those last few days.

It truly was a gift.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ME!

I love celebrating mother's day because I love being YOUR mother.  This year has been a little more difficult as I am trying to recover from surgery that I had a few days ago, so mostly I've been laying low.  But that hasn't stopped the celebrating in my heart.  I've thought so much about you Ben, just like I do every day.  And because I couldn't physically be down at your grave, my parents came to the rescue.  My mom received this red rose at church today in honor of mother's day but felt like YOU deserved it and so she left it with you.  How SWEET! :)  I love thoughtful gestures like that.  It makes my world go round.

I love being a mother.  I love being YOUR mother.  How grateful I am for 8 wonderful years of taking care of you, of nurturing you and smothering you with love.  Thank you for allowing me that sacred privilege, Ben. 

MY HEART IS FULL...

Today I got THIS surprise email in my inbox:

Beck:

This afternoon mom and I went to Ben's grave and put a special marker on it.  Hope you like it.  It is made of a cement composite and weighs over 100 lbs.  I made a cement base for it and still have to spray it with a water sealant to protect it from the elements over time.  

I got the idea while driving by this place in Westborough that sells things like this and ordered it out of a catalog.  It is a birthday gift for  you and Steve.  Mom thinks it is smiling and being happy and I think it is crying and being sad.  

Love you

Dad

I am so grateful for loving and thoughtful parents.  

I LOVE it.  

My heart is smiling.  My eyes are leaking.  My soul is joyful.

Thanks mom and dad...it's PERFECT!

xoxo

Today Brady becomes an official member of our family Ben...thank you for sending him to us.  Thank you for knowing how healing he would be for our family.  Wish you could still be here with us, but we know that we'll be together again someday.  I love you with every fiber of my being and I am so grateful for you and your GIANT spirit that we continue to feel.

Thank you Ben!

xoxo

Super-human Nurturing

Below is a quote from April's General Conference.  I really loved that a whole talk was devoted to the parent's of special needs children.  It seems fitting as this year seems to be especially hard, knowing so many children that have passed on or are close.  

My thoughts are wrapped around Emily as she is getting ready to leave this earth.  We met Emily years ago and her mom and I have been great friends since.  They have a tender road ahead but I know that her mom will walk it with such amazing grace.  We love you Sara and your sweet Emily!

“I have a great appreciation for those loving parents who stoically bear and overcome their anguish and heartbreak for a child who was born with or who has developed a serious mental or physical infirmity. This anguish often continues every day, without relief, during the lifetime of the parent or the child. Not infrequently, parents are required to give superhuman nurturing care that never ceases, day or night. Many a mother’s arms and heart have ached years on end, giving comfort and relieving the suffering of her special child." James E Faust

Ben is TEN!

We celebrated in many ways today...

miss you Benny.

xoxo

Those Eyes!

Missing them and YOU a whole lot tonight...

xoxo