Wednesday, October 26, 2011


About a month ago I had a really great dream about you Ben.  I was in some strange (and really big fancy house) with a lot of other mom's and their babies.  (Brady and the kids were with me)  I remember at one point I was panicky because all of a sudden you weren't with me, so I asked the kids where you were and they didn't know.  I ran around this unfamiliar house looking for you because I knew that you should not be alone in case you needed suctioning or other kinds of help.  I entered this room full of car seats and there you were, sitting in your car seat waiting for me. And I remember your suction machine was turned on and running next to you because I immediately worried about the battery draining - so I turned it off.  I scooped you right up, just like I used to do, and told you how much I missed you!  That's when you looked right into my eyes with the cutest smile EVER and said, "I ate lettuce".  I remember being completely shocked that you had just spoken to me.  And at the same time I was laughing and in my cutesy voice said to you, "BEN!  Who fed you lettuce?"  You never answered but I wasn't too concerned because my  next thought was to hurry and find the other kids so that I could tell them what happened.  I finally found them and told them, "You've GOT to hear this, Ben talked."  At which point I said, "Come on them how you can talk!"  That's when he turned and looked right into Kaleb's eyes and said, "I love you Bubby!" and then turned to the rest of us and said, "I ate lettuce!"  And we all laughed.  (and then I woke up) 

This dream came at a time when I think Kaleb really needed it.  He's had a hard couple of months.  I feel like it was Ben's way of communicating through me, the love that he has for his brother.  I shared this with Kaleb and by the end we were both teary.  As for the lettuce part?  It still makes me laugh.  I have no idea what the meaning of THAT was, but this I do know...that Ben's love for his brother is REAL and so powerful.

Saturday, October 8, 2011


It's amazing how you can fall in love with a little boy that you've never met...that's how I feel about Noah.  Ben brought me into the "King's world" soon after he passed away.  Lisa and I became instant friends.  We even found we had SO much in common.  It's a good thing we live on different sides of the world because I fear we would be trouble together. :)  Noah became sick a week ago.  His little body finally gave out and he returned home to his Heavenly Father.  My heart has been so heavy this morning knowing that my dear friend is feeling the same pain that I felt over a year ago.  It brings my heart some comfort knowing that Ben was there to welcome him home.  We love you Lisa.  We love your amazing family.  We pray for Heavenly Father's loving arms to surround you during this most difficult time.