HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ME!

I love celebrating mother's day because I love being YOUR mother.  This year has been a little more difficult as I am trying to recover from surgery that I had a few days ago, so mostly I've been laying low.  But that hasn't stopped the celebrating in my heart.  I've thought so much about you Ben, just like I do every day.  And because I couldn't physically be down at your grave, my parents came to the rescue.  My mom received this red rose at church today in honor of mother's day but felt like YOU deserved it and so she left it with you.  How SWEET! :)  I love thoughtful gestures like that.  It makes my world go round.

I love being a mother.  I love being YOUR mother.  How grateful I am for 8 wonderful years of taking care of you, of nurturing you and smothering you with love.  Thank you for allowing me that sacred privilege, Ben. 

MY HEART IS FULL...

Today I got THIS surprise email in my inbox:

Beck:

This afternoon mom and I went to Ben's grave and put a special marker on it.  Hope you like it.  It is made of a cement composite and weighs over 100 lbs.  I made a cement base for it and still have to spray it with a water sealant to protect it from the elements over time.  

I got the idea while driving by this place in Westborough that sells things like this and ordered it out of a catalog.  It is a birthday gift for  you and Steve.  Mom thinks it is smiling and being happy and I think it is crying and being sad.  

Love you

Dad

I am so grateful for loving and thoughtful parents.  

I LOVE it.  

My heart is smiling.  My eyes are leaking.  My soul is joyful.

Thanks mom and dad...it's PERFECT!

xoxo

Today Brady becomes an official member of our family Ben...thank you for sending him to us.  Thank you for knowing how healing he would be for our family.  Wish you could still be here with us, but we know that we'll be together again someday.  I love you with every fiber of my being and I am so grateful for you and your GIANT spirit that we continue to feel.

Thank you Ben!

xoxo

Super-human Nurturing

Below is a quote from April's General Conference.  I really loved that a whole talk was devoted to the parent's of special needs children.  It seems fitting as this year seems to be especially hard, knowing so many children that have passed on or are close.  

My thoughts are wrapped around Emily as she is getting ready to leave this earth.  We met Emily years ago and her mom and I have been great friends since.  They have a tender road ahead but I know that her mom will walk it with such amazing grace.  We love you Sara and your sweet Emily!

“I have a great appreciation for those loving parents who stoically bear and overcome their anguish and heartbreak for a child who was born with or who has developed a serious mental or physical infirmity. This anguish often continues every day, without relief, during the lifetime of the parent or the child. Not infrequently, parents are required to give superhuman nurturing care that never ceases, day or night. Many a mother’s arms and heart have ached years on end, giving comfort and relieving the suffering of her special child." James E Faust

Ben is TEN!

We celebrated in many ways today...

miss you Benny.

xoxo

Those Eyes!

Missing them and YOU a whole lot tonight...

xoxo

CALEB'S DAY

Today I attended your sweet friend Caleb's funeral.  It was tender, hard, and so, so beautiful.  It brought back a lot of memories from almost two years ago...ones that felt so raw all over again.  But I am so grateful to have known this little boy, to have felt his strong spirit and to have had a small part in his HUGE life.  

I love you Caleb Joseph Moody.  

*Wink*

A Gift From My Dad

IN MY DREAMS

When I woke I was crying and I lay awake trying  

To remember if I’d seen him again  

My dreams are so fleeting but the way my heart is beating     

I am sure that in my arms I held Ben  

I did see him.  I did hold him. 

In my dreams I can kiss him, when awake how I miss him  

And I hunger so I can feel that touch  

Just saying his sweet name ignites in my heart such a flame   

It consumes me that I love him so much  

I did see him.  I did hold him. 

Dreams, like a meeting place, are memories that I embrace

From moments that were once reality

I linger there with a desire that time will not expire

Because waking makes parting misery.   

I did see him.  I did hold him.

He is waiting in my dreams

Kenneth Hutchins

01-29-12

CALEB MOODY

Best friends on earth...and now in Heaven. 

Please take good care of Caleb, Ben.

STAY TUNED...

Ever since your departure from this earth, I have been trying really hard to "Let the Spirit Guide" in my life.  It was my new years resolution for 2011.  So many blessings have come because of this choice that I have made.  Brady is a perfect example of that choice.  He has blessed our family in ways that I never would have imagined.  And now again our lives are about to change...and only because I have chosen to follow the promptings of the Spirit.  We are excited and ready.  I know that this is right for our family Ben, and I know that you are close by...cheering us on.