Monday, January 3, 2011

LAST NIGHT

Last night I couldn't sleep.  I was thinking about you.  And when I think about you, I start crying.  And when I start crying I can't breathe.  And when I can't breathe, I have to get up.  And because I have to get up, I can't sleep.  It's a vicious circle...one that I didn't cycle out of until 2am.  This morning my head is pounding and my eyes are puffy.  It's not a pretty sight.  I think I'll hide from the world today.  
I received some more funeral pictures from a friend this weekend.  I finally got a chance to look at them last night.  These two pictures were hard to see.  I look at them and think, "Is that REALLY me?  Did I REALLY lose my child?"  Looking at the pictures, it just seems so surreal.  The first one we were walking behind his casket after the funeral.  The second we were walking to his burial service.  
I miss you Benny!

11 comments:

Jenny said...

*tears*

(sorry)

XO

LL said...

my heart aches just looking at these.
I'm sorry!
Love you my friend~

April said...

Oh Becky, I'm just so sorry. Loving you.

Junior said...

So very sorry Becky, lots of love and hugs

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

No words Becky .... just ((hugs)) and love.

Nettie's Blog said...

reflecting and remebering are wonderful ways of helping to heal and to hold loved one close....till we are with them again....so it is good to keep on reflecting and remembering ....

shirlgirl said...

So hard to relive this sadness in your life. Sending hugs and love to you.

The Kings said...

oh so hard to see something like that again. Lots of love to you. xxxx

KeriLyn and Matthew said...

praying for you.....it is ok to have days like that....know you are loved.

Emily B. said...

I've been out of touch with the blog lately. Wish I'd have caught this earlier so I could have called you on Monday. I'm sorry sweet friend. Love you.

Bugg's mama said...

what to say, what to say.

Huuuuuugggggs!

Love, Bree