I don't even know what to call this post. "I miss him every.single.minute of every.single.day"? Or "This is HARD"? I just feel like I'm being redundant. But it's true. And it doesn't change. Not since he left my presence. Not since he left my side. Not since he left my arms. Today the pain is unbearable. It's like that some days. Other days I just repress it. Today, actually last night, the flood gates opened. When I saw that picture of the post below...the one a friend sent to me, it opened up some raw emotions that I've kept locked up for awhile. So today my eyes hurt from crying and my heart hurts from missing Ben. I stare at his pictures, I smell his clothing, I rub his socks against my cheeks, I spin his hat around on my fingers wishing it was resting on his cute head instead.
It's amazing to me that I can sit here and think..."I can't believe that THIS is my life". It's been over a year and when I actually think about it, it still seems surreal. "Is he REALLY gone? Has it REALLY been over a year? Does it ever get easier?" Probably not. People say it does, but the hurt is just as great, if not greater than the day that I lost him. And since I can't hold on to HIM, I'm grateful for all the tangible things that I CAN hold onto while he's apart from me, like his socks and his hat. And until I can be reunited with him, I'll just keep missing him, every.second of every.single.day.