Tuesday, December 7, 2010

My letter to you....

Benjamin,
I miss you terribly.  Sunday we went to the Make-A-Wish Christmas party without you.  That was hard.  I got most of my tears out in the beginning when I saw your wish granters.  I just couldn't help it.  They were a big part of your life, enabling you and the rest of your family to do such fun things together.  I'm so thankful for those memories and that they made it possible.  After the tears we jumped right into action, helping where we could and just enjoying the spirit that was there.  Your brother and sisters had a wonderful time - no surprise there.  We even got to be on the news because of YOU.  I will never turn away an opportunity to talk about you...even if it means that I have to do it through tears.  Today I took your brother up to Dartmouth to see one of YOUR doctors, Dr. Peppin.  She was your neuro-opthomologists.  Remember her?  She is an eye/brain doctor.  Since Kaleb has a cyst on his brain, she takes care of him too.  She's a little concerned about your brother and thinks he needs to see your most favorite doctor, Dr. Filiano again.  It's been over three years since Kaleb has seen him.  I smiled inside because you know what?  I know he'll take great care of Kaleb and make sure that whatever needs to be done will get done.  He's pretty amazing that way.  Driving up there always gives me time to reflect on the many trips that we would make up there together.  Just me and you.  That was our time and I loved it.  I loved sharing you with the many nurses and doctor's that took such great care of you.  Remember how we would make cinnamon rolls for all your favorites up there and you would wear the Santa hat and we would make deliveries all over DHMC?  I did that with your brother this year, except he wouldn't wear the Santa hat, and he didn't really want to make the deliveries either.  Silly brother of yours.  I missed having you by my side.  I miss doing all of these fun things with you.  I hope you know that.  And I hope you know just how much I miss you and how my love continues to grow for you...
xoxo
Mom

10 comments:

asplashofsunshine said...

((tears)) You are one incredible woman! I sit here this morning on my daughter's 9th birthday, and realize that she and Ben are months apart. I can not fathom your pain each day, yet the joy you have too. Thank you (and Ben) for helping me put life into perspective today and each day.

April said...

Oh Becky- I'm reading through tears.
I'm sure Ben was with you as you made those deliveries-- You two have always been inseparable.
Keep us posted on Kaleb.
I love you.

Junior said...

Becky this brought tears. I know Ben was with you as you made your deliveries and was smiling all the way.
We will be praying for Kaleb.
Lots of love and hugs

Emily B. said...

Becks, I'm sure Benny was there in spirit. I'm glad you had so many wonderful people to help you take care of your boy while he was on the earth-what a blessing. Hope everything is ok with Kaleb. Sure love you! xoxo

Jo Jo said...

More scoop on Kaleb! What's going on? Sweet letter, sweet MOm.

The Kings said...

You amaze me Becky. I think I would just want to crawl into a hole, but instead you go out visiting and giving out gifts. Ben would be so happy and proud. xxx

The word verification is 'forevi' :)

The VW's said...

I can only imagine how much you miss your sweet Ben! I think of you often! Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!

LL said...

Very touching! You're such a sweet mom. XOXO

Wiggles said...

Beautiful!! :)

TMI Tara said...

What a special letter to a special boy from a special mom. I didn't know about Kaleb's cyst and I'm sorry to hear that. Thinking of you and praying for you always, that you will continue to be strong and amazing and comforted. Love you