Monday, September 13, 2010

Kayla's Experience in her words...


Kayla Orton
Mrs. Hutchinson
English 9
September 13, 2010
Unforgettable
               Have you ever experienced the loss of a loved one?  Do you remember all the emotions that hit you all at once on that terrible day?  You feel disoriented and small, you feel guilty because you wished you were a better family member or a better friend.  I remember thinking "why me?" And "why is this happening to me?"  The shock that hits you is like being bulldozed by a train and the pain that you feel is like a whole piece of your heart and soul has been ripped from you body.  So many emotions could destroy a person and you would rather die then go through the sadness and pain.  I felt all of these the day that my little brother Benjamin slipped from our fingers.
             When I got home from school my mother surprised us with a girls weekend over at our Aunt Jenny’s house.  My sister and I packed and loaded up my brother Ben in his wheelchair and buckled him in to the car.  We drove the two hours in the humid summer weather.  I had to sit in the back seat so I could suction my brother I was not very happy about this, because my mother had to wake me from my nap and tell me to suction him.  I was annoyed at her and wished that she would leave me alone.  When we arrived at my cousin’s house we were welcomed with lots of hugs and exchanging of news.  We settled in and hopped back in the car with me Cousin Sarah and we drove ten minutes to Chilies.  We had a wonderful time at dinner.  My favorite part of the evening was still yet to come, bed!  We stayed up very late and just before we slipped off to bed, I went to give Ben a kiss and an ‘I love you’ before we ran up the stairs and fell straight into the covers.  And little did I know that my perfect weekend would not be so perfect.

            It was May 29th 2010; it was really early around 4:30 in the morning.  I was asleep in my cousin’s bedroom in Lunenburg Massachusetts, when my Aunt Jenny woke me from my peaceful slumber.  She pulled me up and wrapped both arms around my shoulders.  “Kayla I wanted to tell you that Ben passed away in his sleep last night and your mother wants you with her.”  These were the exact words she spoke to me.  These were the words that brought down the crushing darkness that swaddled me in a black blanket.  No sound emanated form me as I walked down the stairs towards the screaming and the sobbing from my mother.  I entered the room to find my mom clutching the lifeless form of my baby brother and rocking back and forth on the bed.  I walked towards her as she gazed at me with her bloodshot eyes.  I held out my arms and she put Ben into them.  I buried my face in his chest and I could smell death and it scared me.  My mother wailed and said “I’m so sorry Kayla; I don’t know what to do.”  Those words made me sad because I knew it was not my mothers fault that Ben had gone she had no control over what happened.  I looked up from Bens face and told my mother that she had no control, it was Ben’s turn to go.  I also told her that she didn’t have to do anything because there was nothing she could have done, that these things just happen.  My Aunt roused my younger sister and brought her down to my mother and myself.  My father and younger brother had not yet heard of Bens passing and we were working on getting the news to him.  My Grandparents arrived and that’s when we started to call everyone in the family.  Doing that was probably the hardest thing that my mother had to do was call and tell everyone that Ben had died.  When my father had finally arrived everybody left the room and let us have some time with Ben.  That few minutes were probably the hardest in my life having to say goodbye when you weren’t ready to.  But the day will come when he can hold me in his arms and tell me that he loves me and that he lived longer because he felt the love that I had for him.  I will wait for that day to come and until then I will be hoping that Ben is watching out for me.

26 comments:

Jenny said...

This is one of the beautiful things I have ever read. What a testament of the relationship they had...that love really does transcend circumstance. Kayla, you are an amazing young woman. I'm so touched.

Amy said...

Beautiful.
Heartfelt.
True Love.
A bond that is forever.

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

Wow. I have tears streaming down my face and I can hardly see to type. That was beautifully written.

Alison said...

Ahh! So lovely! That was a very emotional read.

Kayla is a great little writer! :) Awesome! :)

Thinking of you. :) xo

Junior said...

Beautiful, you can feel the love she has for Ben and I am sure he felt the same way.

Jo Jo said...

She wrote it just like she handled it, amazing and with such strength. Thank you for reliving through it to share with us.

Curtis and Crystal Emery said...

You don't know me but I have been following this blog shortly after Ben passed away. I am amazed at your strength and even more so at your young, yet so mature daughter. That is an amazing paper and I am thankful you shared it with all who follows your blog. Ben seemed like such an amazing spirit and I am so happy you will have forever with him. Tell Kayla never to feel bad about feeling upset of being woken up to suction Ben. She was an amazing sister from everything that I can see. She will be blessed for the endless love she has for her brother. God Bless all your family. Truly an inspiration.

The Kings said...

oh man - I have tears streaming down my face! :( I have never actually talked to you about how Ben passed away. Kayla is such an amazingly strong young lady.

Jenny said...

Kayla is amazing.
XOXO

The VW's said...

Beautiful and heartfelt words....from a beautiful and loving big sister and daughter!

I can't imagine the heartache that this sad day has left you and your family. May you be given strength, peace and comfort today and always.....until you get the chance to wrap your loving arms around sweet Ben again!

Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!

LL said...

Kayla you are as sweet as can be. This was so touching!
XOXO

Mom & Dad Martin said...

Becky and Kayla,
That was beautiful and from the heart. What a wonderful life led among a family who loved him so much. Thanks so much for sharing with us.

Mom Martin

Erin said...

LOVE YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY.

asplashofsunshine said...

Beautiful and amazing are often words that are thrown around. Let me tell you, these words truly are BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING! Great writing Kayla!

TMI Tara said...

Tears. What a profound experience for such a beautiful young woman. I'm so grateful she has an apparent knowledge of the gospel and her eventual reunion with Ben. I'm glad she has gained wisdom and knowledge from her parents. I hope she knows that she is truly being purified by this sad ordeal, she is becoming a more profound soul that most people twice her age. It's surely a hard thing she has gone through, but it will be part of what makes her amazing. Thanks for sharing, I've been very touched. Love you guys!

TMI Tara said...

Tears. What a profound experience for such a beautiful young woman. I'm so grateful she has an apparent knowledge of the gospel and her eventual reunion with Ben. I'm glad she has gained wisdom and knowledge from her parents. I hope she knows that she is truly being purified by this sad ordeal, she is becoming a more profound soul that most people twice her age. It's surely a hard thing she has gone through, but it will be part of what makes her amazing. Thanks for sharing, I've been very touched. Love you guys!

cadurgin said...

I have been touched this day in such a special way.
I was a Nurses aid and took care of a young boy who had this condition. He too was such a special spirit. It brought back memories. Now that I have this gospel in my life, thoughts of death are less painful. I am sure there were lots of emotions during his short life.
I see your grandfather, President Hutchins, in Ben's little face. He is a great man and little Ben would have been too. Heavenly Father has special things for him to do. I am sure he knew the kind of home he placed him in until he took him home.
Kayla, That was beautifully written from the heart. I would guess it is the beginning of the healing process for you. May God Bless you and your family.
CAROL DURGIN Punta Gorda, Florida

Anonymous said...

This is beautifully written. Thank you for sharing

shirlgirl said...

Oh my goodness! Words have left me. Kayla, what a beautiful story about your experience with Ben on that day and to be able to comfort your Mom as you tried to do. This is an awesome story. It breaks my heart. And yes, Ben is watching out for you and your family. Love you bunches. Aunt Shirley and Uncle David, too.

Nettie's Blog said...

Thank you Kayla for sharing such a precious and beautiful yet very personal time in your so young life.... i know that you were prepared for the love, strength and help you were able to give your family and whats more i know that you will be able to have that reunion with Ben that you wrtoe of when that time comes...Thank you for bringing this glimpse of heaven into my world for just a moment

Mom said...

Yes I am sobbing. I cannot even imagine what Kayla's teacher did when she read that mature paper from a 9th grade student. Our grandchildren are amazing.

Mom

Angie T. said...

Thank you so much for sharing. I have been following your blog for some time and your family is such an inspiration. The faith you show is such a testimony builder for me. So thank you.

April said...

There aren't words.
Her words were perfect.
I was so touched by her ability to share her heart about something so tender. She is an amazing young lady. I'm sure Ben is very proud of his big sister.... love you all so very much!

Sim-Dim said...

Thankyou Kayla for sharing your love for Ben with all of us. How proud he must be of his wonderful family. Now where's those darn tissues. xx

Nancy Langevin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nancy said...

I have to admit, I had tears when reading this letter, but what a powerful letter it was! Your family is beautiful! Kayla, your letter touched my heart, and when reading your letter, I felt the love you had for your brother and family. Thank you for sharing!

God Bless You and Your Family!