Tuesday, March 29, 2011

10 Months today

My heart is so sad tonight.  I don't look at Ben's blog too often anymore because it's so, so hard.  But when I have a quiet minute and am missing him terribly, I sit and look.  And then I cry.  And then I sob.  I cry so hard I can't breathe.  And then my husband walks in the door.  Thank goodness.  He put his arms around me as we sit together and look...and then we both cry.  Oh the pain.  This picture makes my arms ache and my heart hurt, but I'm really grateful I have it because looking at it reminds me of how I used to feel while holding Ben.  Look how peaceful we are.  I miss that boy. 

9 comments:

LL said...

oh that picture! :( i'm sorry.
Love you.

The Kings said...

Cuddle time is the best, although Noah is way too heavy to just pick up to have a cuddle now. It's more like he just has his legs up on my lap :(
Love and hugs to you. I can't imagine how much you must be missing your little man right now.

Junior said...

such a precious picture. I love cuddle time. Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers tonight and sending lots of hugs.

shirlgirl said...

Dearest niece, I feel your pain. Every time the 17th comes around, I have the same feelings. However, I think of your Uncle David every waking moment of my day and when I go to sleep at night. He is always in my thoughts and forever in my heart. Your Benji is always in your thoughts and forever in your heart as well. He was a special spirit sent to us to love for as long as we could. I miss his gorgeous blue eyes and his long eyelashes and those wonderful cheeks. Know you are loved and thought of as well--all of you. Lots of love from Aunt Shirley

Zion And Missy said...

You let me hold Ben one time, remember? At the RS broadcast a few years ago? He was one heavy little boy. But he sat so quietly that night, so still that I swear I could feel his heartbeat as I held his back. He was/is a beautiful soul...thank you for sharing him with me and those around him. We continue to pray for you and the family. It is difficult to loose a child, I could not even imagine. You are strong and such an example to those around you. Thanks for sharing your spirit to the rest of us. Keep up his blog...I feel the Spirit and the Love of my Savior every time I read it. Reminds me what is important in this life...family.

Undaunted ~ My Life One Day at a Time said...

(((HUGS))) Love you bunches. Know that my heart is with you.

The VW's said...

What a sweet picture of you and Ben! I can only imagine how painful it is to not be able to hold him in your arms again! My heart breaks thinking of how you must ache. Thinking of you and praying! Big Hugs!!!

Bugg's mama said...

You sweetheart.

Loves and hugs to you.

PS: You'll never believe it but it's true, your Celebrate book was sent today. Yahoo!

xoxo, Bree

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