I still can't believe this is my new normal. I remember looking at other people's blogs that have lost children and thought..."oh that is just so sad, I can't even imagine what that family must be feeling or going through." Now I'm THAT blog that people read and feel those same feelings. I remember seeing blog posts about funerals and thinking that YES...someday I will have to go through it, but feeling like it was so far away. (even though I knew it could be any day) Now I'm THAT blog with funeral pictures. It's only been 6 weeks and everyday it just doesn't seem real. I recall others feeling the same way when they have lost a loved one, but really? You just can't understand what it is like until you actually go through it. Most days I try and keep my emotions in check because it's just too painful to let it all out all.the.time. This pain is heavy and it's real, it's hard. Thankfully I keep really busy so it forces me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And thankfully I have such a wonderful and supportive husband who knows how to put me together again when I fall to pieces. And thankfully I have that knowledge of forever families and knowing that I'll be together again with Ben someday.