Friday, July 16, 2010

SURREAL

I still can't believe this is my new normal.  I remember looking at other people's blogs that have lost children and thought..."oh that is just so sad, I can't even imagine what that family must be feeling or going through."  Now I'm THAT blog that people read and feel those same feelings.  I remember seeing blog posts about funerals and thinking that YES...someday I will have to go through it, but feeling like it was so far away.  (even though I knew it could be any day)  Now I'm THAT blog with funeral pictures.  It's only been 6 weeks and everyday it just doesn't seem real.  I recall others feeling the same way when they have lost a loved one, but really?  You just can't understand what it is like until you actually go through it.  Most days I try and keep my emotions in check because it's just too painful to let it all out all.the.time.  This pain is heavy and it's real, it's hard.  Thankfully I keep really busy so it forces me to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  And thankfully I have such a wonderful and supportive husband who knows how to put me together again when I fall to pieces.  And thankfully I have that knowledge of forever families and knowing that I'll be together again with Ben someday.

13 comments:

Smilin' sunshine said...

I am so sorry you have to go through this. You are one amazing woman!

LL said...

that picture is so perfect. I love it!
I can only imagine the ache you feel each day...I'm sorry!
I still think of you and pray for your heart every day!
Love you my friend.

Junior said...

Becky lots of hugs and prayers, I can't imagine what you are going through. Love you

Browning Buzz said...

Still praying for you and your family! You are in my thoughts often!What a blessing to have the knowledge we have about the plan of salvation! I am also praying for this young family who lost their almost 19 month-old today.

http://www.patrickandashley.blogspot.com/

April said...

Oh Becky, I'm just so sorry it's so hard. Know you are loved more than you can ever know! xo!

The Kings said...

oh Becky - my heart aches for you and I wish I could take some of your pain away. I have no clue what you are going through and although I think I can imagine it, I really can't. When Noah was diagnosed I felt a bit the same - like 'this happens to other people' and it took a good few months for it to really sink in.
I remember hearing that 6 weeks after someone passes away is often worse than just afterwards because it seems more real. I'm glad you have your family around you right now. Lots of prayers and love to you.
xxxx

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

(((hugs))) and (((love)))

Nettie's Blog said...

You are right....How blessed we are to know without a doubt that Families are Forever... and Ben will finally be able to tell you that when you are reunited and he is in his perfected state... no one can know how you feel without Ben in your life, we can only imagine how we would feel...so we can only try to help you through this time by sending love, prayers and messages of love..... from Tasmania to you all XXXXXX

The VW's said...

I am so sorry that you are having to be "one of those families"! I try to put myself in your shoes and it seriously makes me feel like I'm sufficating.....so I can only imagine how deep this pain is for you!

I am happy that you have support, but I'm sure what you really want is Ben. Hang on until that blessed day when you will see him again. Thinking of you and praying! Love and Hugs!!!

Jenny said...

It's been the LONGest six weeks ever. I miss him too.

shirlgirl said...

All our love to you. I know it is hard for you. I can't even imagine the loss of a child--Nana lost two and heaven knows how she dealt with her losses so many years ago. Love the picture on this post. Glad that your twin and family are visiting with you right now. You are always in my thoughts and prayers that each day will try to soften this pain you are going through. Lots of love from us. Aunt Shirley and Uncle David

Lacey said...

Oh how scary, I'm feeling that same thing right now. Knowing that someday I will go through this, and hoping its not for a while!

Amanda said...

i can't even imagine what you are feeling..
i have just found out about benjamin passing away.. i am so sorry! all i can say is i'm sorry. all i can think about is how none of us are promised tomorrow and that's what i would tell myself if ethan was called home. i pray the Lord continues to wrap his arms of peace around you and continues to give you his supernatural strength.. in Jesus name!