That's how my sister described Ben's passing. She told me that just maybe Ben felt like it was time to give me back to his brother and sisters. I've thought about that a lot. I think she just may be right.
Today I felt like I received my answer. My sweet friend Kathy was over for dinner today. She helped me with Kayla and Kaleb while I was away in Utah with Stevie. She gave them rides and made sure they were where they needed to be. During those few days she spent a lot of time in the car with them. She told me about a particular conversation that she had with Kaleb.
Kaleb mentioned to Kathy how weird it was that all of a sudden mom was out doing everything with them, actually PLAYING with them. "She's even SWIMMING and JUMPING (on the trampoline) with us." It's not that I was neglectful with them, it's just that I was hindered in my activities with them because of the care that Ben needed and required. And they never complained about it either because they loved their brother dearly and would give anything to have him back. It was almost a realization of what they haven't had. And I find it funny that he wasn't able to make the connection as to WHY (as of late) I was out playing with them all of the time. Kathy kindly reminded him why.
And then it clicked.
It was a realization for myself that Ben was being self-less in leaving. I think he knows that my time with his siblings is growing short and that they need more of me. Kayla will be a freshman this year. That's four short years left that I have with her before SHE will be leaving. I'm grateful for my sister and Kathy for helping me to come to this realization. I'm grateful for children who teach me such important lessons while here on this earth. And I'm grateful for my self-less little boy. Now if you'll please excuse me...I'm off to PLAY with my children!