Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I WISH...

I knew this day was coming.  I knew that it wouldn't last forever.  But there are always regrets.  I wish I had held him just one last time.  I wish that I had taken more pictures.  I wish....I wish....

This was the last picture of Ben alive.  I took it Friday night after I finished doing his night time routine.  I wish the picture wasn't so dark. (my flash is broken)  I wish that I had a taken a few more.  I wish that he was still here.  I wish...

23 comments:

Brittoni said...

You don't know me but I have been following Bens blog for I don't know how long. I started my day every morning by checking out his blog. Your family has touched me in so many ways. My prayers are with you and your family. What an honor to have such a son waiting for you in the eternities!

Erin said...

Isn't that the truth! It will never be enough.

Junior said...

Beautiful picture of your angel. Sending hugs and prayers and wish we could be there in person to give you a hug.

LL said...

I wish there was more we could do to help with the hurt.
As I've gone through his blog the last couple days....I've smiled at the GREAT shots you do have of him.
He is so loved!

Jenny said...

I wish I could take ALL the pain away...
xo

Wiggles said...

What a lucky guy Ben is to be with Father. He gets to be the first to meet his younger siblings. I just know that Kaydee Lynn went before so he wouldn't be lonely. Love you all.

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

I wish that no family had to feel the pain you are feeling.

I wish that I had gotten the chance to meet Ben in person.

I wish that you will feel all the love and prayers and support we are sending from far away!

Ryan*Kendra*Kenz said...

there are no words. i feel like i cant breathe. im hurting for you. ben is amazing. what an amazing gift to this world. he has changed me. i see so much beauty and light in all these pictures. i wish i would have known him. i wish i knew you. now- we are linked. in a horrible way. im praying for you. everyday. i will think about your family. im praying for ben. you could never have prepared for this. never. you cant ever know this feeling unless your in it. i wish i could say something to help. i wont fill this post with things i didnt want to hear. no one knows your pain but you. ben is so lucky to have you as his mama. you gave him such an amazing love. i can see it in your words, your pictures. he is so so so loved. i can only imagine him dancing, running and playing. free from tubes, machines, doctors. thats the only imagine that of makenzie that keeps me going. knowing she is free. please let me know if you need anything. even someone to talk to. i can always use it. you are amazing. please dont rush your feelings- let it come. you feel however you need to. i love you.

The VW's said...

I wish all of this for you and so much more!

Thinking of you and praying for you often! May you find comfort and be given strength today and always!

Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!

Emily B. said...

Oh friend! I wish too!!!

I'm so grateful for the Savior and that through him, somehow, someday, our unfulfilled wishes will be realized.

I wish it was today.

April said...

Oh how I wish I could take away the heartache....
I wish I could hug you this very
moment.
You are in my heart- every minute.

Kristen said...

It's pouring down rain here Becky...an irony of how I feel about Ben's passing. I can't seem to dry up. I am sad for you and your family. I wish so much for you....

all my love to you friend,
Kristen B.

shirlgirl said...

Sweet niece, you should have no regrets. You have given Ben the most wonderful care and love these past eight years. You are totally awesome. You have him 500%of yourself. You have taken so many pictures and they are all wonderful. You have made so many memories through Ben's blog and you have met so many wonderful friends who are going through and have gone through what you have, and these friends are such a blessing to you. I love reading your blog and Ben's blog. You've given so much of yourself to everyone out there in cyberspace and you are an inspiration to all. I wish I could take that pain away and make things right, but I can't do that and no one else can. We can be there to support you in every way that is humanly possible. Please know that we love you so much, our hearts ache for you and your family, and Ben knew how much he was loved. I was just looking at his picture today that you took of him in the hat and mittens I made him. He was so handsome in blue--it matched those gorgeous eyes of his. We will all miss him, but his spirit will remain with us forever. We love you all so very much. Love and hugs to you. Aunt Shirley and Uncle David

Swimmingmom said...

My heart is just breaking. Everytime I have read Ben's blog, I always get goosebumps. Thanks so much for sharing about him through the stories and pictures. I've thought about you on many occassions - those days when I just feel overwhelmed as a mother and I've drawn strength through all that you have shared that you have been through with Ben. It helps me to stand a little taller, press forward, and enjoy the journey. Thanks for being a wonderful example of a fun, loving and trooper of a mother.

Angi said...

You don't know me, I had read about your Ben a few times before, even seen his picture on Jaxson's Blankie Blog, never had any idea you were right here in NH. Such an amazing boy and amazing life he lived, touching so many. I just spent an hour+ reading back on your blog for him, you and your family are inspirational to say the least. I know I do not have enough words to help how your family is feeling at this difficult time...just know that there is one more person holding a special place and prayer for you, hugging my little ones just a bit tighter and opening my heart, love to you as you continue on with your memories.

Jo Jo said...

What made you take the picture? I'm so glad you did.

Jenny said...

Oh how my heart is hurting for you. As tears stream down my cheeks, I feel such immense gratitude for the Atonement -- for the resurrection -- for eternal families. I just recently started following your blog and have so enjoyed feeling connected to another family. I've been so impressed with your faith and love. You are an incredible family and Ben was an incredible kid. Please know that your family will be in our prayers. I can only imagine how hard it is to feel such a loss -- but I find comfort knowing where he is. Thank you for sharing Ben's life with us all.

Anonymous said...

Becky,

You know how much the words "I Wish" mean to me and if only I could help you with your wish. I consider myself blessed to have met Ben as my wish child and your amazing family. You have inspired me personally to be the best mom I can be and your son forever has left a mark on my heart. Life is so precious and both you and Ben have taught me the true value of living each day to the fullest. Thank you for sharing Ben with me.

God Bless You,
Kim

麗卿 said...

nice to know you, and glad to find such a good artical!........................................

Kristina said...

What a handsome little boy! I commented before that I'm part of the Kidz Krew and followed your blog since then. I've learned quite a bit of Photoshop in the last few months and could try and lighten up this photo for you if you want. If so, please email me the photo and I'll touch it up and resend it back to you.

Kristina

TMI Tara said...

No regrets, Becky. YOU were the best mother in the world to Benny! He was SO loved and taken care of.... that is why you didn't have to say goodbye 8 years ago.

No regrets.

xo

Kel said...

You and Ben have touched more people than you may ever realize. I wish comfort for you, your family, and for all of us crying around the world. Your sweet boy has found a new path of life paved first on earth by your love. May the hole in your soul be filled in time with God's blessings of peace and joy. Until then, our wishes are yours.

With love,
The Johnson Family

Sandra Howell said...

Dear Orton Family,

What a wonderful tribute to your beautiful son. He was a perfect fit for your family. I am sure he anticipates the day he can thank you for such wonderful care. I remember how proud his aunt Suzanne was of him. She would bring his pictures to work in Vernal and we would all gather around to see him. What a miracle he was and is.

Sandra